Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Another Day At Work, Another Blog (Safari Style)

While surfing the ol' webternet (I put "web" and "Internet" together, ya see) I came across the above art by Guido Daniele. It's pretty amazing stuff, he is able to create these majestic beasts simply using hands, some paint - and some magic voodoo power, of course. Imagine being able to shake hands with a giraffe, flick a paper football with an elephant trunk, or flip off some asshole in traffic who needs to learn to use his effin blinker! using part of a zebra! (yes I'm referring to the corolla from this morning) Oh the adventures are limitless!

Being inspired by his art, I decided to try my own hand at it (oh yeah - pun intended!)

I think it's a pretty awesome work of art, and my mom says I'm special, so take that doubters!

*But really his art work is pretty cool check him out click his link above.*

Monday, April 27, 2009

What Are They Promoting?

While not doing anything else here at work I decided to look up past slogans.

Here are the past six...
1987 - You Can't Beat the Feeling.
1993 - Always Coca-Cola.
2000 - Enjoy.
2001 - Life tastes Good.
2007 - Live on the coke side of life
2009 - Coke The Great
We all know Coca-Cola is great at marketing - anyone reading those slogans right now is surely craving some ice cold coke. But look at a few of those slogan as if they were supporting another item. Lets say....
1987 - You Can't Beat the Feeling.
2000 - Enjoy.
2007 - Live on the coke side of life
2009 - Coke The Great

Oh Coca-Cola, we know what your really promoting - you little sneaks!
Honestly, I'm going to their competitor because at least Pepsi doesn't try to pull any tricks.

See now that's good ol' wholesome marketing my friends.

*These posts are fictitious. They are not endorsed by the companies above nor do they reflect Coca-Cola and/or Pepsi Co.*

Comments are appreciated. THANKS GUYS :)

Sunday, April 26, 2009's Science.

Recent scientific studies show that "iamCHRISVENTURA" is one of the most popular, most visited, and most talked about blogs on the entire internet!

UPDATE: A more recent study shows that recent studies are false.

Oh well, give it time.

Friday, April 24, 2009

The Mystery of The Phantom Gourmet

So, I was watching "The Phantom Gourmet" the other night and lets be honest - if it's 2am what's better than watching that. I also like "TV Diner (with Billy Costa)." Both shows are the same premise - a critic goes to various restaurants and rates the service, food, price, etc. and because the persons anonymous the restaurant treats the critic just as they would treat you and I. Now I understand how TV Diner gets their critics to stay anonymous, BUT my question is...
How does the phantom gourmet not get noticed!!???

I can clearly see him - can you? Maybe I just have great eyes.

Monday, April 20, 2009

An "iamChrisVentura" Scientific Discovery

While in Syracuse this weekend, I was walking through a parking lot around midnight and I came across the above item- just sitting there, exactly as it is in the picture, all alone. It was like a magical hybrid of beverage containers a cross between a dunkin' donuts coffee cup and a red solo cup.

A coffee in someone's hand says
"I have a lot of work to do today and I need a nice boost to get through it"
A red solo cup in someone's hand says
"Parrrttayyy...beirut anyone?? I have work tommrow?? F' Work!"

BUSINESS on the top....PARTY on the bottom.
Ladies and Gentlemen I present...
"The Mullet of Cups"

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Tips On How To Save Space In Your House

I was walking through the mall, which they have TVs all around, and while your walking they are showing random clips. A segment came on about "saving space and keeping your house organized." Which caught my attention for some reason, so watched a second of it. They gave a couple of tips that may be useful, but I wonder about some parts. Here's some tips:

1. "Keep like items together - sports equipment with sports equipment, toys with toys, gardening tools with gardening tools, etc.": Which sounds like a great idea on TV, but I find most parents would agree that their mid-evil sword collection fit's so neatly and nicely with their kids stuffed animal collection. Am I wrong?

2. "Keep items in the open by frequency of use, the more you use it the more readily accessible it should be" Hmm ok I get the concept, but if every guy used this method you would walk into a lot of houses with a giant stack of porn right next to the front door ready to go.

3. "If your kids go through the garage to go outside have their toys in the garage-not your tools." You don't say!? Really? Hold on--You mean I shouldn't leave my saw plugged in the garage my kids go through. Next your going to tell me to take the sign above it down that says "Play with this fun toy!" while I'm at it.

The segment probably gave great tips but hopefully most of that was common sense.

--On a side note: I just opened an individually packed knife from Dunkin' Donuts - and their were TWO knifes inside - I hope that means I won something.

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Exclusive: *NEW* Samsung Texting Phone!

You've been asking for another post (and by "you" I mean my mail man, hey Jim!) So I got into work to find a new Samsung phone thats great for texting! The Samsung Propel Pro! Modeled above by Matt (you may recognize him, he plays "Jared" in the Subway ads.) This phone is going to be a huge seller - we always have people complaining about how the keyboards are too small for thier fingers not this phone! The phone may be alittle big (not too bad though) but it comes with a nice backpack, or briefcase, for business people, for easy portibility. If you dont like those options there is also a belt clip you can purchase. - Fat fingers unite! Your phone has arrived.

Shown below is some other useful features.

1st: Great reception! Look at him, he's so happy and jolly about his reception!

2nd: Look at those thumbs go! Stop trying to lose "finger weight" at the gym, keep those bad boys as is!

3rd: Talking on the phone alone outside at night? No problemo! It doubles as a saftey device. You simply put the phone in "creepy perv mode" and it will call 911 while you proceed to beat the hell out of someone at the same time! Look at Matt is not being voilated tonight! Try doing that with a puny iPhone girly man.

(in the 3rd picture I'd say Matt looks more like if the mugger stole your phone to beat you with it. creepy)

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Day After Easter Post! (is it obvious I couldn't think of a title?)

Hope every one's Easter was hoppin'!! (get it?! because bunny's hop! - Clever alert!) and anyone not celebrating Easter yesterday, I hope your Sunday was good. I did a quick Google search for "Easter bunny" and came across the picture above. Imagine going to the mall and having your kid take a picture with that bunny - precious Easter fun! Now let that bunny above babysit - not so fun anymore huh? Nope, just creepy.

But think about it, Easter uses "The Easter Bunny" as it's icon. The reason for this is -- just like a caterpillar turns into butterfly, Jesus died and rose again as an huge bunny that wears funky colored vests - I believe that's how it went.

Anyway the Easter bunny sounds nice, but picture a bunny that's the size of a person - that's terrifying! And while we are on the topic of holiday icons, Santa is terrific! - unless you think about him as an elderly gentleman that breaks into your house while you sleep and is entirely too happy with little kids sitting on his lap. Oh and cupid is great!! Now think about how he's just a naked baby....if you still thinking, "still really great!!" you need to go register with certain department my friend.

But overall my Easter was fun - having great food and hanging with my crazy family is what it's all about!

Friday, April 10, 2009

The Tale of the Mysterious Beverage

Well, maybe that drink isn't so mysterious.

Well, to you and I this isn't so mysterious.

Well, I hope no one is scratching their head going "dammit Chris! Give some descriptions when you post a damn picture."

Sadly, I was just standing in line at Dunkin' Donuts and a guy in front of me reaches the register and says "Excuse me, this may be a dumb question but - What is an Iced Coffee?"

Ya know, I once had a teacher who said "The only dumb question is the one not asked."
But I think I speak for my teacher when I say "DAMMIT-SHIT-BALLS" (my teacher had tourettes)

Look we all ask dumb questions, and that's ok, but that was a really dumb one.
*Thanks to Matt for the picture idea, however his obsession with Harrison Ford disturbs me.*

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Extremely Current Movie News!

Well, ok, maybe if it was 1993 this would be a new release but I was just talking about this movie with some people and a couple of thoughts came to mind that I didn't think about as a kid watching the movie.

1. That kid probably shouldn't be standing under a 36,000 pound (aka 18 tons) (aka f'ing huge) whale while it does a flip over a rock barrier mere inchs above him. Back then it was epic and heroic, now I'm like just watch from a safe distance my friend you ain't going to catch Willy if he doesn't make it.

2. There were 2 more movies made. "Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home", and "Free Willy 3: The Rescue." Back then I was excited to keep getting more Free Willy's. Now I'm just wondering why Willy can't stay out of trouble. If I had to name the movies they would been "Free Willy 2: Dammit Willy Not Again!" and "Free Willy 3: See Ya. You're On Your Own Buddy."

3. "The most rousing family adventure since E.T." is the movie's tagline. Back then I would have had to look up "rousing." Now I just read that picture above and though it said "The most arousing family adventure since E.T." which almost made me fire up the ol' VHS player and see what I must have missed before.

Who needs thoughts on current movies like Wolverine or Watchmen when you can read about a movie thats 16 year old. (Yes Free Willy is eligible for its drivers licence. Now if only that damn whale could fit in a car.)

Monday, April 6, 2009

Orange Ya' Glad You Read My Blog

This morning at a coffee shop (perfecto's to be exact!) I was sitting having breakfast and I had an orange juice. I opened the orange juice the same way you would open any carton - like the one above - by the flaps. One reason being because the box said "OPEN" on the flap and mentions nothing about the straw hole on the side. Then I open it and notice, underneath the part you couldn't see before, it said "PLEASE USE STRAW HOLE." FML.
...wait, maybe I don't get how to use FML correctly.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Text with Misspelling

I just received a text message that said

"Fat and Furious on Sunday let me know if u r interested."

Now it's clear the person was asking if I would like to partake in the viewing of the cinematic feature entitled "Fast and Furious" starring that gentleman Paul Walker and the Vin Diesel (as grandma would say).

It amazing how the absence of the letter "S" in a word can make the upcoming sunday night go from a movie night watching 4Fast4Furious: Africa Drift (I assume) to a night of watching angry customers at a McDonald's Drive through during the busiest hour of the day - when they are out of Big Mac's - now that's Fat and Furious!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Coming soon....?

I was thinking about making a sequel to the popular "Where's Waldo?" game. Shown above is the first page in my game titled "Where Isn't Waldo." Can you find where Waldo isn't? It's tough but don't give up, like the great rapper Ice Cube once said "You can do it, put you brain into it" thats how it went, right?

Something tells me it won't be as popular as the original...