Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Gangsta 101

"Guess who. Ya miss me? Jessica Simpson sing the blog!"

Well it's been a week. Not the best one. I haven't been in the mood to be thinking comically lately. But I picked up the new Eminem CD "Relapse" yesterday (which is a awesome cd if you like Eminem pick it up!)

I was listening to "Crack a Bottle", which was the first single of the album. The chorus goes like this:

"So crack a bottle, let your body waddle
Don’t act like a snobby model you just hit the lotto
O-oh o-oh, bitches hopping in my Tahoe
Got one riding shotgun and no not one of them got gloves
Now where’s the rubbers? Whose got the rubbers?
I noticed there’s so many of themand there’s really not that many of us..."

Now, I know you may not understand what Eminem means in the chorus, but that's ok. Ya see, unlike me, you are not a "gangstar" and this is not your fault. But I'm here to help you break down the lyrics.

First - Eminem wants someone to "crack a bottle." This is a ancient ritual that we gangsta's do. We take a hammer and lightly crack a bottle of liquor, it means "good health for all."

Next he tells someone not to act like a "snobby model" because they hit the lotto. This doesn't need explaining because everyone knows that the only cure for "snobby modelism" is to hit the lottery, until then you can be a snob (even you knew that though)

He then says he has a "bitch" riding shotgun, and no one has gloves. This means he has a female dog in his front seat and no one has the special gloves that help get dog hair out of the upholstery, it's messy.

Next he asks his friend "who got the rubbers?" Simply asking where the rubbers, or condoms, are. This is because he has a girl, most likely someone who he's in love with and married to, that he is about to "make-love" to. Look, they may be rappers and they don't mind guns, drugs, and drinking - but they will not practice unsafe sex dammit!

Lastly he talks about how there are a lot of girls and not that many guys with them. They were scared OK. If they didn't find more guys, to even the guy to girl ratio, then some of them may have had to have a....3-some! - you can understand there concern I'm sure.

Well there you have it. I hope you feel educated. I hope you learned something today at "iamchrisventura" I knew all that because a ghetto friend I once had taught me a thing or two, and if you asked Eminem, Dr. Dre, or 50 cent, they would all agree that I was pretty dead on with the translation.

Well that was probably too long but oh well. Hopefully things start looking up and more post are to come soon. PEACE YO DOG G'S!?


Tony said...

You're about as "gangsta" as Clay Aiken.

Anonymous said...

hahhaha thats too funny lol