Monday, November 9, 2009

Singapore's Play-Doh Ads are Awesome!

So I was flipping through my favorite magazine "Singapore Play-doh Enthusiasts Quarterly" and saw these amazing Play-Doh ad's. I know that 90% of you are avid subscribers to this magazine also, so I was hesitant to post this blog. But just bare with the 10% that don't get the magazine and haven't seen these ads, will ya? Anyway, these ads were printed in that magazine only once but I'm glad they were because they are great! And you have to admit, they are creative. "Safe no matter what you make" and then they show a butcher knife, pills, a razor, a chainsaw, and a box of matches! Haha, it's funny because those are unsafe objects! I will say that I think this is false advertising though, since last night I made something that isn't safe - a big ball of Play-doh that I proceeded to try and swallow and almost choked to death. As soon as Hasbro found these ads they went bananas and demanded they not be printed again, who knows why though they seem perfectly appropriate from children. Right?

Here are some of the other ads:













































































Found at: Geekologie
Hasbro's response to the Singapore Ads

Sunday, November 8, 2009

YouTube Fight Fail.

Couldn't find a picture to go with this post, but I found thing picture of a 'fail.' That dude totally missed his cup haha. Nice.

Anyway this will be quick since I'm heading out, but one thing I find stupid are people that TRY to act tough and pick fights on the web. Even worse is when there's nothing to fight about. For example I was watching a video on Youtube and americans were speaking french and these were some comments:

SenseOfFailure: They actually had a pretty good French accent for English people. Trust me, I'm French, I know what I'm talking about.
navy110: haha, pretty good french accent you said?! yeah.. FOR ENGLISH PEOPLE!
SenseOfFailure: That's exactly what I said...

HAHA. Shut down.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

A MUST SEE Blog Entry!

So when I was walking out of Perfecto's Caffe this morning I noticed this ad (above) on thier wall where they let people post business cards, or things they are selling (unless your trying to sell you body for money they don't allow that - found that one out the hard way.) Anyway, I found this to be an interesting ad considering thier use of the tagline "MUST SEE!" and then they provide us with a picture of the car, hmm. Seems self defeating doesn't it? "You really must come over and see this! But before you do, here is a picture of it. Wait, you not coming anymore? But how are you going to see it then!?" And also if your going to use a tagline like 'must-see' use it for an item that can't be seen cutting me off in traffic ten minutes later. Basically, use it for an item that, if people we to read what the item was they would I think "I must see that!" Can you imagine someone seeing this ad and being like --- a 7-year old Sebring?! "holy shit!, I must see that!!!" Now had it been a 9-year old Sebring, that be a different story.

On a pretty cool side note, Tom Brady was in Perfecto's Caffe (Peabody) that same day!! Yes THE Tom Brady, quarterback of the New England Patriots!! It was amazing to see Tom Brady in real life, I wanted to ask him for his autograph but was too nervous. Luckily, I got to snap a quick picture of him!I know, I know --- he looks alittle smaller in person. But it was definitely him, I mean look at the back of his shirt! So cool!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Happy Halloween


HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Well everybody thanks for stopping by my blog for Halloween. Or as they say in Mexico "Los dia de los muertos" or "the day of the mentos." Or that's my guess, but all I know is they love their damn Mentos in Mexico, "Mentos, las fresh maker" Enough with the spanish lesson and on with the blog...


So out of no where, I remembered a movie I used to watch when I was little every Halloween called "The Halloween Tree"...does anyone else remember it? For the longest time I could only remember bits about this movie but never the title, it got to the point where I thought maybe I made this so-called movie up, until I remember the name out of nowhere. Classic halloween movie that used to really scare me when I was younger (not now of course, I'm quite tough---AHHH! Nevermind it was just my shadow.) Phew. Anyway, I looked up the movie on the Tubes of You and found that you can watch the entire movie (Here's Part 1) it is really well done.

If you haven't seen it I would recommened it. It's a cartoon that tells the story of a group of trick-or-treating children who learn about the origins and influences of Halloween when one of their friends is spirited away by mysterious forces (aka they are looking for their friend who is dead). It's based off a novel by the same name by, Ray Bradbury. Leonard Nimoy is the voice of the children's creepy (*level 3 possibly?) guide, Mr. Moundshroud. It first aired in 1993.

This is a long blog entry, but when your looking for something for years and finally find it you must write about it. Like, love. (Hmm..'children's halloween movie' and 'love', wow, great analogy Chris.) But really, it's worth a watch. I have the movie's audio playing in another window and it brings me back. I'm remembering it being good but it's weird, when something creeps you out when your little it stays with you kind of. Another great point of the movie is the artwork and musical score is also really well done.

Well, that's it! Have a fun and safe Halloween.....BOO!!!!!! - don't be scared I just wrote that not a ghost. - or was it??


(*I'm sure he wasn't a level 3 of course, also Los dia de los muertos isn't the same as Halloween)


Monday, October 26, 2009

The Windows 7 Whopper..Damn!

I don't know who Burger King has hired as an advertising company but god bless them. For the release of Windows 7 recently, BK has created a whole new burger - "The Windows 7 Whopper!" HOLY SH*T.

"DaWin7Whopp" (as no one calls it) is a burger made up of 7 patties and it sells for $7.77 (get it?!) When I first read about this I thought it was a photoshop joke but alas, it's real (BKJapan Site) I think everyone can agree that nothing quite says 'buy a new OS for your computer" than a huge burger. Just think about it. Imagine your on your way to buy Mac Snow Leopard but your hungry so you stop for some lunch. You goto your local BK (and by local I mean Japan) and you sit down and say "I am extremely hungry." You look at the cheese burger and think "1 patty? F that!" so then you look at double cheese burger and think, "still not enough, HOWEVER, if I could have 3 double cheese burgers on a single bun plus one more patty for good luck, that would do that trick!" Then a light shines upon "The Windows 7 Burger" and your wish has come true thanks to BK and Microsoft.

....then, after 3 grueling days in the bathroom you stand up, button your pants, and say proudly "I'm a PC."

--On a side note I think McDonald's and Apple are missing a golden oppurtunity to sell "The BigMac OSX" with 10 patties---

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Let's Try This Again!


"Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out.
Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.
Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they’re turned around.
"


I'm back! I'm sorry I haven't posted a blog in a long time but I have good reason.


The reason for not posting, honestly, is I have been in the North Pole for many months doing research without any internet connection. Now, you may think there was no internet because it's the North Pole and there are no service providers for internet out there, which would be a good guess. However the actual reason is Mrs. Claus caught Santa looking at tons of porn and shut the damn service off. But I am back now home now! I have missed a lot while I was away with no internet --- do you know we have a black president! which I think is great, but right when I was happy thinking everything was cool I find out -- Miley Cyrus deleted her twitter account. WTF. What happened America? Where are our priorities? Celebrities can just stop twittering now, if they want!? That's f'd up. How am I going to know when Miley is "baking cookies" or "hanging around the house"? Huh?! Answer me that America! If this doesn't change, I'm leaving this damn country! Maybe I'll goto Alaska or something.


Either that story is true or the real reason is I have been lazy - who knows.


But hopefully I will be posting pretty regularly again if people want to read.


Thank you for reading and coming back to IAMCHRISVENTURA!


Comments are always appreciated, that way I know who came back to read the blog lol. Thanks guys!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Bruce Willis Posters


I was reading iwatchstuff.com today and saw the poster for "Surrogates" a new movie starring Bruce Willis. Anyone else think somewhere in the advertising of "Surrogates" someone got lazy? "Lets take Bruce's face from the "Live Free or Die Hard" poster, put some facial hair on it, and paste it on a suit!" This idea will be used once again when Bruce Willis's next movie comes out called "Oh Look! There's Something Interesting to My Right!"

Look for the sequel "Oh Look 2: There's Something Interesting to My Left!" starring Al Pacino.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Sadly Another Celebrity Death Today

First Ed McMahon, then Farrah Fawcett, then Michael Jackson died. It's been a tough week to be a celebrity. All of them will be missed. R.I.P. When the news the Farrah died it was a big deal, but it seems she was quickly out-shined by Michael Jackson's death later that day.

Now Michael Jackson has been out-shined by another, and bigger, legend. Billy Mays.

"The King of Pop" then "The King of Infomercials" what the hell is going on?

The article I read said:

Tampa police said Mays was found unresponsive by his wife Sunday morning. A fire rescue crew pronounced him dead at 7:45 a.m.There were no signs of a break-in, and investigators do not suspect foul play, said Lt. Brian Dugan of the Tampa Police Department, who wouldn't answer any more questions about how Mays' body was found because of the ongoing investigation. The coroner's office expects to have an autopsy done by Monday afternoon.
The police did say that the place was extremely clean with various bottles of OxyClean and OrangeGLO around the house and he was found non-responsive but was standing up, smiling, giving the thumbs up (the picture above was shot this morning when he was found) - a true showman.
They are currently investigating Vince Offer (Shamwow guy) everyone knows he was out for Billy, and Vince is quite dangerous with that Slap-Chop weapon of his. Just kidding, but if Vince Offer was to become a infomercial serial killer I hope he would have a cool quote like, "pitch this!" or "If it doesn't say Shamwow, it's not!!" and *BANG!* your dead.

What a sad day for insomniacs everywhere. I hear there will be a huge tribute show for Billy Mays to be aired this week. It will looped from 2am-5am on the home shopping network. *Call in the first 30 min and receive a free bottle of OxyClean!
All kidding aside everyone mentioned above will be missed. R.I.P.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asnF7cL271M

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Odd Vanity Plate


So I'm driving to work today and on the highway I see the car in front of me has a license plate that reads "IKNOW" What the hell kind of vanity plate is that? Do you think she went to the RMV and they said "you know there will be a charge monthly for your vanity plate" and she said "I know" and that's what came of the misunderstanding? Or the RMV lady said "What would you like for your vanity plate?" and the girl was on her phone and someone on the other line said "You should really read "iamchrisventura's blog and comment on it!" and she said "I KNOW" and the rmv lady thought that was her answer? I'm guessing the second one.

Either way that could be a road hazard. What if a murderer is driving down the road thinking he got away with it and he then looks in front of him and sees "I KNOW" and freaks out!? Or a classy upper class women driving a new Mercedes, lets a fart out in their car alone, then sees "I KNOW" and she freaks out and misses her tea party because of embarrassment? That's one dangerous vanity plate.

...anyone think maybe I should stop thinking of all these things and focus on driving? Nahhhh....

Sunday, June 14, 2009

New! E-mail Alerts from "iamCV"

Sometimes great things need to evolve.


One of the best examples of this is:
First came the wheel - then came the wheel of fortune.
Another good one is first came bread, then came bread that was sliced!
Then new technology stopped! This was because they knew they could not beat "sliced bread." Well not until now an anyway! Today I introduce to you, the best thing since sliced bread, *drum roll please* iamchrisventura e-mail alerts. Now you will receive an e-mail every time a new blog is published so you don't need to seek out my blog it will come to you!

UPDATE: I just bought a loaf of bread and you know what? This isn't the best thing since sliced bread sadly, sliced bread is too amazing.


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Going to the page and commenting would still be appreciated! Thanks guys! Just let me know if you don't want to get these e-mails. Sorry if this sent multiple times, just getting a hang of the e-mail alerts.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

"RAWR!!!! Stay In Your Lane Human!"

Much like Bigfoot, we've all heard the legend of "The Traffic Barrel Monster." We grow up hearing stories of it roaming around the city streets trying to keep cars down to a single lane during construction, but never get a clear shot of it. Sometimes the news will show a crappy video of what looks like the monster's shadow. Or we turn on the news to hear a crazy southern women yelling about when she went outside to feed her dog she saw the monster blocking her from stepping on wet paint. But finally...a clear shot of the Barrel Monster!

Actually this is "art" that a college student made as a prank in Raleigh NC:
"NC State student Joseph Carnevale, the artist behind the Traffic Barrel Monster, has been arrested for stealing the barrels and "cutting and screwing them together to make a statue," which apparently is a misdemeanor in North
Carolina."
That's great I wish I could have seen that in person, I wonder how many people on drugs thought they were having "bad trip" when they saw that bad boy. "I'm freeaakkin' out mann!"

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Friday, June 12, 2009

"At $99, every pocket can have one"

Big News! Apple announced on Monday that there will be a new iPhone called, "iPhone 3GS" released June 19th. The "S" stands for "Super-dee-duper!" (gotta respect Apple for trying to bring the phrase back.)

Some new features include:
- 3MP camera (auto-focus),
- Video recording/editing
- Voice control
- A magnetic compass
- Preinstalled OS 3.0.
- Also it can be used to prop-up and uneven dining room table if necessary.

With all this exciting news of the iPhone 3GSuper-dee-duper, comes an awesome price drop in the original 3G phone. The 8GB is now ONLY $99!

One thing I really like is the tag line for the advertising of the new low price. "At $99 every pocket can have one." But the classic Apple advertising (shown above) isn't quite getting the point across that it's so cheap everyone can afford it. I worked up something that may get that point across a little better.

Ladies and gentleman, I present "Homeless Eddie (or "Xavier the Mighty" as he refers to himself)".....

"iPhone 3G: At $99 every pocket can have one."



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**If people are reading this...I wil be posting more often again!**

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

iamCV says: "Check This Band Out!"

This blog is brought to you by the band "Walk Harbor City" and viewers like you.
(PBS reference?? Damn right.)

Pop Quiz - Which one of these statements is true?

a. Walk Harbor City is a awesome local band who's music is fun, original, and catchy and their EP is currently on itunes for the low price of only $4.95!
b. Walk Harbor City paid me millions to write this blog.
c. They did this because this blog gets thousands of views/comments a day.

If you chose "a" then you are correct! (I wouldn't turn down a couple million however.)

But anyway, Walk Harbor City is a band from the Boston area who just released their EP on iTunes and I think people should definitely check their music out. The the band has some talented/good guys that will hopefully be signed soon. Look, we all know it's nice to help out a local band and buy their music, but we also know that sometimes the music sucks. Luckily this time you'll be being nice but you'll actually get some great music!! And what's $4.95? Skipping a meal at McDonald's? The WHC EP is better for you.

Get the EP: Walk Harbor City - Walk Harbor City

Preview the Songs: www.myspace.com/walkharborcity

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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The 2009 MTV "Certain Movie" Awards

I am all about the breaking news! Lets comment on something that happened 2 days ago shall we?

I put on MTV last night and saw a re-broadcasting of the 2009 MTV Movie Awards, hosted by Andy Samberg.

I caught the show about half way through, and from what I saw the common theme was - Twilight. I'm pretty sure that movie won every award possible. I have seen Twilight, and I thought it wasn't bad, but it was not an amazing movie that should win everything. I do enjoy the MTV award shows because they are at least entertaining unlike some of the more prestigious award shows, however it seems every year if there is one movie that every teen girl likes that is going to win every award so that kind of sucks. If I was up for an award in the same category as Twilight I wouldn't even write an acceptance speech if it was an MTV award show. To be fair, Twilight was beating movies that no one has ever heard of. For example for the award "Movie of The Year" Twilight was up against movie's supposedly called "The Dark Knight" & "Slumdog Millionaire" (I know you think I made those up but those ARE actual movies, I Googled them and made sure.)

I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if this happened...

"And the award for - "BEST MOVIE NOT HAVING TO DO WITH VAMPIRES, NOT STARRING ROBERT PATTINSON, AND DEFINITELY NOT CALLED TWILIGHT" goes toooooo........."

***DRUM ROLL***

"......TWILIGHT!!!"

I doubt if anyone who watched would have been surprised either.

Did you see it? Any thoughts? Comment below!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Coming Soon: "The Final Destination"

"The Final Destination" is coming out in August (that's alittle vague)! This is the 4th installment of the "Final Destination" series. You can tell this because they added "the" to the title. As opposed to "The Fast and The Furious's" 4th installment that took out all the "the's" = "Fast and Furious". It seems no one knows the proper way to show it's the forth movie (hint: add the number 4 or IV.) I digress...

I actually enjoy watching the Final Destination movies, they aren't amazing but they are fun to watch, so I will probably end up seeing this. I would however, argue that as the series goes on, every film can't be the final destination. Technically they should be renamed.

Final Destination =
"Welcome to Flight 180"
Final Destination 2 = "On Your Left, a Terrible Highway Pileup"
Final Destination 3 = "Our Next Stop: The Amusement Park!"
The Final Destination =
"The Final Destination"
Just a thought.
All this Final Destination talk has me scared. Should I be worried about the box of knives, rusty screws, and broken glass, that's held by a rope that is about to break above my bed? Nahhh, it's just a movie, right?...

Friday, May 22, 2009

Coming Soon: New Mini-Series "Maneater"

So in the mall I work at they just put up an advertisement for "Maneater" which from what I gather is a new mini-series for Lifetime. This caught my eye because, well, the main character is hot (Sarah Chalke) and also it's probably a show I will watch. OK the second part of that sentence is a lie. One thing I find funny is that it's called "maneater." This is a bold move for lifetime, which is a network geared towards women. They created a show that revolves around cannibalism. I never knew women were so fond of cannibals. If this series stays with the theme of most lifetime shows, which is men suck, then I assume the female cannibal will eat the men but they definitely deserved it somehow.

Below is a picture of what the Maneater poster should look like if they were truthful with thier marketing...

"Hannibal, eat your heart out!"
(drums: ba dum cha!)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Gangsta 101

"Guess who. Ya miss me? Jessica Simpson sing the blog!"

Well it's been a week. Not the best one. I haven't been in the mood to be thinking comically lately. But I picked up the new Eminem CD "Relapse" yesterday (which is a awesome cd if you like Eminem pick it up!)

I was listening to "Crack a Bottle", which was the first single of the album. The chorus goes like this:

"So crack a bottle, let your body waddle
Don’t act like a snobby model you just hit the lotto
O-oh o-oh, bitches hopping in my Tahoe
Got one riding shotgun and no not one of them got gloves
Now where’s the rubbers? Whose got the rubbers?
I noticed there’s so many of themand there’s really not that many of us..."

Now, I know you may not understand what Eminem means in the chorus, but that's ok. Ya see, unlike me, you are not a "gangstar" and this is not your fault. But I'm here to help you break down the lyrics.

First - Eminem wants someone to "crack a bottle." This is a ancient ritual that we gangsta's do. We take a hammer and lightly crack a bottle of liquor, it means "good health for all."

Next he tells someone not to act like a "snobby model" because they hit the lotto. This doesn't need explaining because everyone knows that the only cure for "snobby modelism" is to hit the lottery, until then you can be a snob (even you knew that though)

He then says he has a "bitch" riding shotgun, and no one has gloves. This means he has a female dog in his front seat and no one has the special gloves that help get dog hair out of the upholstery, it's messy.

Next he asks his friend "who got the rubbers?" Simply asking where the rubbers, or condoms, are. This is because he has a girl, most likely someone who he's in love with and married to, that he is about to "make-love" to. Look, they may be rappers and they don't mind guns, drugs, and drinking - but they will not practice unsafe sex dammit!

Lastly he talks about how there are a lot of girls and not that many guys with them. They were scared OK. If they didn't find more guys, to even the guy to girl ratio, then some of them may have had to have a....3-some! - you can understand there concern I'm sure.

Well there you have it. I hope you feel educated. I hope you learned something today at "iamchrisventura" I knew all that because a ghetto friend I once had taught me a thing or two, and if you asked Eminem, Dr. Dre, or 50 cent, they would all agree that I was pretty dead on with the translation.

Well that was probably too long but oh well. Hopefully things start looking up and more post are to come soon. PEACE YO DOG G'S!?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Star Trek Thoughts


So I saw Star Trek last night and let-me-tell-you...it was OUT OF THIS WORLD!! No, really...it was in space.

I will say it was a good movie though. I thought the casting was excellent - I was afraid the actors would try to mimic the original cast, but they didn't, they made the characters their own which was nice. It blended slow dramatic parts with action sequences well. Overall I recommend the movie. It was another fun summer movie in the line of movies coming out. It seems to have brought new life back into Star Trek which will make some nerd quiet happy. I highly recommend seeing it at the IMAX rather than a traditional movie theatre, the huge screen and the rumble seats were cool. (It's the "Verizon IMAX Theatre" now, but will someone please start a company called "CL" and buy it from Verizon - that was it would be the "The CL IMAX Theatre!" Childish, but funny)

I give it 40 our of 50 stars.

Just a thought for the people who saw it, every time the bad guys were on screen I expected Mike Tyson to come strolling out from the back room.

Seperated at birth?

Monday, May 11, 2009

Transformers 2 Advertising Tips!

So in keeping with the sequel poster theme today I bring you the poster for "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen," which comes out June 24th. This is the real poster which I saw while I was surfing the web. It's a really nice poster, definitely looks epic.

I can only imagine the meetings they had to decided on how to advertise the new movie. They probably spent days deciding on what advertising company to use. I bet they racked thier brains deciding what colors and imagery was correct to bring in a huge audience for this highly anticipated movie. Designers probably jumped out windows from all the stress trying to create a unique and powerful poster. And finally, using the most sophisticated software - and lots of money - the masters of the advertising world produced the poster above.

It's not bad, really, it does look nice. But I hate to break it to them but in a couple of minutes, for free, using simply Microsoft Paint I think I came up with a poster that would to bring in a huge audience too...


What do you think, wouldn't this make you see the movie?

FIRST LOOK: The Official "IRON MAN 2" Poster

You know that "iamchrisventura" is the number 1 place for all your movie needs! You didn't know that? Ok, maybe it's not, I'm sorry for the lies.

HOWEVER I do have the first official movie poster for "IRON MAN 2: RISE OF THE STARCH"** Robert Downey Jr. is definitely returning as Tony Starch aka Iron Man. You may question if all this is official, but I assure you I get all my information from a very reliable source. By "reliable sources" I mean I may, or may not have, made some of this info up.

Other possible title possibilities:
"Iron Man II: The Attack of the Pleats"
"Iron Man and The Chamber of Wrinkles"
"Iron Man & The Temple of Dry Cleaning"

...COMMENT if you have any more title ideas?

**THANKS NICK P. FOR THE "ATTACK OF THE PLEATS" IDEA!**

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

It's Mother's Day, and in the spirit of that, I thought I would post a video having to do with Mother's Day!
Roughly 5 Months after "Dick in a Box" premiered on Saturday Night Live, Justin Timberlake and Andy Sandberg are back! This time they need to find a gift for Mother's Day!
SNL DIGITAL SHORT (5/9/2009):



Damn, I wish I was as thoughtful as these guys. All I did was bake my Mom a cake. (Cake I made last night shown above - if you didn't know I was badass before, I bet you do now.)

Friday, May 8, 2009

Dangerous Texting?


I was at a convenience store today and I saw a magazine with the headline: "Is Your Teen Sexting?" I love when the news makes up a term as if it's a common term used among teens. I've never heard someone say "Oh man! I was sexting all night!"

Parents read these articles then talk to their kids like,
"Johnny, we need to talk. Have your done sexting with the cell phone device?"
Johnny says, "No, of course not. Never."

The parents are relived but what they don't know is that Johnny left the room saying to himself "what the hell is sexting? Oh well, I wonder if Jenny, Christina, or Beatrice sent my phone those sexy photos yet?" (the last one is an elderly women - he has a fetish - but that's another story all together.)

Important Note to Parents:
Look, I joke alot on this blog, but I care about the safety of teenagers in this technological driven society. So I'm going to let parents in on some other things to watch out for when your teen is using his/or her phone.


Flexting: Taking a picture of your muscles and send it via cell phone.
Mexting: Taking pictures of tacos, or other Mexican foods, and sending via cell phone.
and


T-rexting: When a dinosaur sends a picture of himself to your cell phone.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The History of "Cinco de Mayo"

Hey everybody! Happy day after Cinco de Ma----- be rrright back!! Sorry I just had to throw up. I haven't been feeling good after yesterdays Cinco do Mayo celebrations.

I really do love the holiday but I dread it coming around because I never feel good the next day. I'm sure you feel the same way if you follow the old "cinco de mayo" tradition. If you do not know what it is I'll explain:

<--- According to this guy, the term "cinco de mayo", in Spanish, means "the 5 mayonnaise." In Mexico they always ate dry tuna until one day a visitor from a strange land brought a bottle of mayo to make some tuna salad. This caused the 5 head's of the Mexican government to call together a meeting, because they were in shock with this daring but possibly tasty idea. They weren't sure if this mixture - of tuna and mayo - would work or be a disaster, however, they took a bite and the "Mexican Mayo Craze of 1778" took off! Nowadays this event is traditionally celebrated by the drinking 5 bottles of mayonnaise, in honor of the 5 head of government.

I'm really not feeling good now, but obviously you are all in my position too, because that's how everyone celebrates the holiday right?

Update: Turns out "Cinco de mayo" has nothing to do with mayonnaise - it actually simply means the 5th of May. Dammit.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Slap-Chop Infomercial - REMIXED

Well looky what we have here folks!
We have a RAP REMIX video for infomercial a "Slap-Chop". If your not familiar with the "Slap-Chop" it is a product that is promoted by Vince Shlomi, a.k.a the "Sham Wow" guy. It seems pretty useful - I usually slap my vegetables with my bare hand but this looks like it might work better. If you know who Vince is, you may remember that he recently enjoyed the company of a prostitute...and by "enjoyed company" I mean she bit his tongue and he beat the hell out of her!
Why would she mess with him? Hasn't she seen what he does to innocent little vegetables!? Jeez, slapping seems to be his cure for everything. Oh well I guess you should just, "slap your troubles away" as Vince would say.

WATCH THE "RAP CHOP" VIDEO:

The video is pretty impressive it was done by DJ Steve Porter.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Poster Analysis: "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past"

So I went and saw "Wolverine" last night (which I enjoyed - not a bad way to start the summer blockbuster season) and when going into the theater I saw the poster for "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past."

Here's my analysis, from what I can tell from the poster:

So this movie looks like your standard Matthew McConaughey film - cute, romantic, fun...awww how sweet...but look closer!

It is clearly about a man who is haunted by the ghosts of 3 ex-girlfriends, who he killed. The tagline reads "You can't always run from your past" which leads me to believe that he has been trying to forget about these murdered exes but can't because he forgot to take down their portraits that hang on the wall of his apartment. Then in steps Jennifer Garner, who is the cute new detective in town, who is on assignment to find him and strangle him with his own scarf.

Now I haven't seen the commercial for this film but I'm almost positive thats the plot. Right?

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Driving a Bus + Texting = Crash

April 30, 2009 in San Antonio, TX - A bus driver crashed into a car in front of him, while driving a bus of disabled passengers, because he took out his phone and started texting. Check out the video below, there's about 43 different angles of the crash. I wonder if the bus driver was texting the guy in front of him saying "watch out!"

I'm awesome at being current with "breaking news", I'm only 3 days behind on this story, that's terrible


Check back tomorrow when I'll let you know who won the 2009 Presidential Election!!

HERE'S THE VIDEO:

That news anchor twitters!? Don't you dare question if he's "hip and with it" or not. Texting while driving = not good. Texting while reading this blog = good!

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Friday, May 1, 2009

In Theaters: "X-Men Origins: Wolverine"

Big news in the comic book movie world! "Wolverine" hits theatres today! I personally haven't seen it yet and honestly I don't understand the huge hype around a movie about a wolverine that escaped from a local zoo that carries around 3 knives in each paw. From the poster above (which is the official poster, I didn't just crudely put that together in MS Paint), I assume that the people are the various zoo workers that try to catch the dangerous animal.

I don't know the full story and characters but this is what I assume:

(Top Left) Joey: The rugged zoo cleaner who is quiet but when someone messes with his cleaning equipment, watch out!

(Middle Left) Crazy Jim: The blind gentlemen who wonders around the zoo inappropriately touching the female customers, on "accident".

(Bottom Left) Jen: Zoo hoe.

(Top Right) Rico: The cool animal trainer who loves the ladies - he would never hunt an animal but quite the milf hunter.

(Middle Right) Rocco: Just out of jail - owner of the zoo.

(Bottom Right) Emily: Loves Rico, but secretly wants to experiment with Jen, has had a fling with the wolverine.

Maybe I should see it, I don't think I'm getting the right idea.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Another Day At Work, Another Blog (Safari Style)


While surfing the ol' webternet (I put "web" and "Internet" together, ya see) I came across the above art by Guido Daniele. It's pretty amazing stuff, he is able to create these majestic beasts simply using hands, some paint - and some magic voodoo power, of course. Imagine being able to shake hands with a giraffe, flick a paper football with an elephant trunk, or flip off some asshole in traffic who needs to learn to use his effin blinker! using part of a zebra! (yes I'm referring to the corolla from this morning) Oh the adventures are limitless!

Being inspired by his art, I decided to try my own hand at it (oh yeah - pun intended!)

I think it's a pretty awesome work of art, and my mom says I'm special, so take that doubters!

*But really his art work is pretty cool check him out click his link above.*


Monday, April 27, 2009

What Are They Promoting?

While not doing anything else here at work I decided to look up past slogans.

Here are the past six...
Coca-Cola:
1987 - You Can't Beat the Feeling.
1993 - Always Coca-Cola.
2000 - Enjoy.
2001 - Life tastes Good.
2007 - Live on the coke side of life
2009 - Coke The Great
We all know Coca-Cola is great at marketing - anyone reading those slogans right now is surely craving some ice cold coke. But look at a few of those slogan as if they were supporting another item. Lets say....
Cocaine:
1987 - You Can't Beat the Feeling.
2000 - Enjoy.
2007 - Live on the coke side of life
2009 - Coke The Great

Oh Coca-Cola, we know what your really promoting - you little sneaks!
Honestly, I'm going to their competitor because at least Pepsi doesn't try to pull any tricks.

See now that's good ol' wholesome marketing my friends.


*These posts are fictitious. They are not endorsed by the companies above nor do they reflect Coca-Cola and/or Pepsi Co.*

Comments are appreciated. THANKS GUYS :)

Sunday, April 26, 2009

...it's Science.

GREAT NEWS!
Recent scientific studies show that "iamCHRISVENTURA" is one of the most popular, most visited, and most talked about blogs on the entire internet!

UPDATE: A more recent study shows that recent studies are false.

Oh well, give it time.


Friday, April 24, 2009

The Mystery of The Phantom Gourmet

So, I was watching "The Phantom Gourmet" the other night and lets be honest - if it's 2am what's better than watching that. I also like "TV Diner (with Billy Costa)." Both shows are the same premise - a critic goes to various restaurants and rates the service, food, price, etc. and because the persons anonymous the restaurant treats the critic just as they would treat you and I. Now I understand how TV Diner gets their critics to stay anonymous, BUT my question is...
How does the phantom gourmet not get noticed!!???

I can clearly see him - can you? Maybe I just have great eyes.

Monday, April 20, 2009

An "iamChrisVentura" Scientific Discovery

While in Syracuse this weekend, I was walking through a parking lot around midnight and I came across the above item- just sitting there, exactly as it is in the picture, all alone. It was like a magical hybrid of beverage containers a cross between a dunkin' donuts coffee cup and a red solo cup.

A coffee in someone's hand says
"I have a lot of work to do today and I need a nice boost to get through it"
A red solo cup in someone's hand says
"Parrrttayyy...beirut anyone?? I have work tommrow?? F' Work!"

BUSINESS on the top....PARTY on the bottom.
Ladies and Gentlemen I present...
"The Mullet of Cups"